I just read yet another distressing news article about the issue of men in classrooms and the fear of allegations. Bryan Nelson of MenTeach was interviewed. Here is the link:

http://www.sacbee.com/2011/08/07/3821760/male-teachers-wary-of-hugging.html

I’ve just spent weeks with my grandchildren, weeks of skin time. Schon 3 and Jonah 21 months are hungry for touch. They roll around on the floor with their Mommy, roughhouse with Daddy, snuggle with Night Train (that’s grandpa) and schmush faces with me (Gramby). They are lucky; we all are. As humans we are nurtured by all this physical contact, and this summer together has fed us all as family.

When I read the article above about men seeking out alternatives to touch like sideways hugs and high fives, the contrast really hit me. I’m not naive. I know there are important issues around abuse and we need to protect children. But there is a high price for this protection — a resulting deficit of touch, and a dire shortage of male teachers and caregivers in the lives of our children. This is important to think about. It will impact the humans of the future and the future of humans.

We need to ask questions–here are some of them:
•What are we going to do about this?
•What protections make sense?
•Why are we so focused on and worried about men and young children–what about the women?
•How are we going to address children’s need for touch?
•Is there an impact on sensory issues?
•What is appropriate touch?

Every program, every teacher, indeed every person needs to deal with these issues. There are no easy answers. If we believe that children need physical contact, how can we create safe places for both adults and for children where this need can be met?

Really. You cannot make this stuff up. We were having an intimate dinner (Jonah, 20 months, Schon 39 months and I) of mac and cheese–homemade, gooey, cheesey, Zachy’s recipe–when an intense expression takes over Jonah’s face. “Poop!”. He announces. “Yes, that’s what I thought might be happening,” says the selfish Grandma who wants to finish her dinner without fresh poop on her hands. “I’ll change your diaper as soon as we finish our cookies.” “Poop!” a little louder this time. “I hear you, Jonah, I’ll change your diaper in just a few minutes. I promise. “Poop!” Volume escalating. “Poop POop POOP.”

In the midst of this poop talk, Roger and Aaron call to tell me about their day, so they are audio witnesses to all that transpires.

Skip ahead, typical scenario, diaper changed. “There you go, Jonah, all ready to go.” Immediately, Schon announces, “I need to poop and pee.” She heads to the toilet, and Jonah realizes that he missed the big chance to poop in the potty and all the fun of that, so he rushes in that direction, ripping off his fresh diaper as he goes. Schon understands the race and beats him. The usual happens and we are all talking about the wonderful deposit in the toilet (this includes Roger and Aaron). Jonah, impatiently biding his time, is peering around Schon’s bum to see into the toilet. Everyone is delighted and distracted, as Jonah reaches and you guessed it, flushes the toilet BEFORE Schon has the chance to look at it. Schon screams, “I didn’t get to see my poop! I wanted to see my poop!” She is heartbroken. “Where did it go? I can’t see it!” I try to explain the sewer system, which wouldn’t have been easy on a good day, and, of course, I sympathize as I explain that the tragedy is irrevocable.

Jonah is standing there, again looking into the toilet and then at Schon’s face. He looks distressed. And then he comes close and begins stroking her arm. He rubs first her arm, and then he tilts his head and looks into her teary face and strokes her face. It was a powerful moment—and I was struck again by how we underestimate children and their capacities and their understandings.

Schon realizes that the only way out of this is to create another poop—and so she does. We are celebrating this and not paying attention and so Jonah reaches over—and you guessed it—pushes the flusher—and, right, again, BEFORE Schon has seen it with her own eyes. The distress is powerful and takes several minutes. Roger and Aaron are still on the phone, but rather confused.

Once we have shared our grief, Schon puts her determined little body to work and produces yet another, though very tiny, poop which she literally jumps off the toilet to view, pushes Jonah aside and flushes. Whew.

Naked little Jonah finally has his own turn, but alas, Schon has had the last poop of the day.

Staff meeting began this morning with a visit from Debbie Goodeve’s grandson Henry and his mom Kaitlin. Henry has tufty red hair and at 8 months won all our hearts in under two minutes. Henry was gifted a quilt made by the Exchange staff. It’s our tradition that every firstborn baby or grandbaby receives a handmade quilt and his or her siblings are gifted books. Dee Hartzell’s grandson Rica’i was also gifted a quilt, but we weren’t able to present it in person. We’ve made many quilts over the years and take quite a bit of pride in these accomplishments. In fact, we’re so proud that we want to make sure you get to enjoy them, too.

For the September cover of Exchange I just made a trip to HOT Arkansas to visit EOA Children’s House. Jo Ann Nalley from Arkansas State University Childhood Services was at the airport to greet me, an issue of Exchange tucked in her arms, and a welcoming smile on her face. Together we had dinner with Brenda Zedlitz, Director of Children’s Services, to begin hearing the story of Children’s House. And then with Marcy White we spend several hours with the children and staff, learning about their mission and history.

Children’s House was created over 30 years ago and is sustained today by a caring community committed to being there for children who are victims of abuse and neglect. The children, living with parents or relatives or foster families, are referred by the court system to Children’s House, where they receive care in the form of therapies, services, attention, food, love and kindness. This program can demonstrate the effectiveness of their strategies and will be sharing this part of their story in the magazine.

It’s heartrending to be in the midst of children at play and realize that each of them carries baggage into every experience of their lives. But with the staff and other children they are now able to spend their days in an environment of respect and gentleness. It’s an opportunity for them to find pathways to resilience and hope, as they are fed alternative ways of being and seeing the world.

One of the striking elements of the story is how it began–with people seeing these children and saying: “We can do something.” It continues because the spirit of “seeing and doing something” continues. The program’s history is peppered with volunteers who see needs and fill them, and leadership is adept at making needs visible to the greater community. “It’s all about relationships,” says Ben McClintock, Director of Development.

It was a great honor to spend time with all of these dedicated people who use their professional and personal power to deal with overwhelming issues and create places of safety and caring for traumatized children. Thank you Jo Ann, Marcy, Ben, Brenda, Terri Teters, Assistant Director of Children’s Services, and Michael Lanier, Executive Director EOA.

It occurs to me as I reflect on this experience, that all of us who work in early childhood encounter children who are abused and neglected–often without knowing of their pains. But we can learn from the model of EOA Children’s House as we work together to share this model of caring with all of you.

Okay, so I felt kind of proud that we created a puddle and had great fun on Mud Day. And then Bishnu sent this photograph from the Mud Day celebration in Nepal. An elephant is quite humbling! Isn’t it wonderful to see what people made of this idea around the world? The fact that thousands of people in many different places did something they wouldn’t usually have done on June 29 because we as World Forum and Nature Action Collaborative for Children declared it to be a day of enjoying mud is powerful. I can’t wait for International Mud Day, June 29, 2012.

This morning I was thinking about how this day has changed me. Scott and I were talking around the mud puddle about how there are so many things that we just don’t think about–like playing in the mud. Sure, mud is messy, but it’s so easy and so delightful and playful and handy, and so very important. It isn’t that we reject ideas as much as they just don’t come to mind. And so we need others, like Bishnu and Gillian, to make us think and help us be.

Really, I feel like Mud Day is more than a day–it’s almost a way of life. Nature enters our psyches and hearts in such a way that it becomes the new normal. And every day holds within it the pursuit of play and delight outdoors.